To hug or not to hug

Yesterday one of my students asked me a question, one that is asked often, one that I asked my professors not too long ago. Is it ok to hug your patients. He said that he has asked this before of other professors, but my being in active practice, he wondered if I had different views on this.

This can be somewhat complex. You open a persons mind up in therapy, raw emotions are oozing out, you turn them inside out, revisit painful experiences, their inner self is exposed for judgement. You emphasise, you feel their emotions, you often will revisit the painful experience with them…. it is instinct to hug. 

but…

 

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Forgiveness, is it possible.

In psychotherapy, it is often desired to have the patient forgive. This is a broad concept encompassing forgiveness of self and of others.

Quite simply, when we do not forgive, then anger, resentment, bitterness… these things grow within us. They can become quite driving, damaging to our bodies and mind. Dealing with them, without sorting them out can lead to depression, substance abuse and more.

Can we forgive? Is it important?

Forgiveness of self is very important. Forgiving others can allow you to move on, we are taught that we should forgive, this is true. We all can err, we can all make mistakes. Sometimes we are not in control, for various reasons, not the true person inside. Accidents can happen, mistakes can happen. Vocal outbursts, without thought can happen. There are so many considerations, variables, situations.

First we need to understand. There is a difference between accidental and deliberate. Deliberate also has a range, malicious, impulsive, uncontrolled.

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Cooking for Two – sneaking in veggies

Whilst chatting via email with Rach over the weekend, on a topic we have been over before…. how to sneak veggies into her Dads diet, I promised a post on how to do more. Sort of backwards as usually the parent wants to get the child to eat veggies. There is no reason to question the love of a daughter for her Dad though, and the desire to see him eat a more healthy diet.

But when he fights it tooth and nail… hmmm another expression I need to look up, sounds sort of snarly lol… It becomes a challenge.  We have probably all heard someone look at a salad and say they are not a rabbit. Sheish but how do you explain the long floppy ears and fuzzy tail?

Ok, so we needed to be sneaky and Rach did it. She got her dad to eat, and like, carrots! shhhh he doesn’t know. maxresdefault (Small)

So lets take this farther, first, we need to cook more meals where veggies are introduced. But, the recipient can’t know he is getting them or he won’t eat them. Or have a pre-determined idea that he won’t like the meal as there are veggies in it…. parents are hard to raise you know. ;)

I can’t believe I am teaching Rach to be sneaky. eeeeps. 

Following a suggestion, Rach snuck some carrots into a spaghetti sauce. They mush up quite well and the thick sauce covers them, then people discover that they add tons of flavour that is liked too. but shhhhhhh.

Carrots are good for us, we need to sneak in more veggies though, one day, perhaps then, after lots of sneaking…. we can say hey dad why don’t you just eat them not hidden?.. you like them…. 

but that will take some time.

It is no secret that many guys are meat and potato only people. 

so today, we can mess with that. But don’t tell them. 

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Scotland is still….. uhm Scotland woooot

The world watched with baited breath… I am not sure what baited breath is, having sat in a boat,  fishing….. I can imagine and… well blech. But, everyone was paying close attention.

My ancestors were Scottish, I feel great affinity for my Scottish bloodline. I am told I can do a great Scottish accent, but sometimes it has French overtones which gets a lot of giggles. When I try my accent out on people that are more recently from Scotland and still have wonderful accents.. I do receive nods… and somewhat strange looks as though they are wondering which area I may be from… some suggest area 51…. eeeps.

But Scotland is still… wait what is it? Undivided. hmmm. Maybe it is more divided right now. I know Quebec has gone through this a few times, and each time it seems more divided.

Read on, I have more…

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Today… Is another one of those “Days”

 

 Wednesday, September 10

World Suicide Prevention Day 2014

We seem to have “days” for a lot of things now. A day to stop bullying, Mental awareness day, Causal Friday, pancake Tuesday…

 

I am not trying to belittle this, though. To bring awareness is one of the steps to removing the stigma. If having a day causes someone to read a blog, and rethink a decision… then these days are grand to have. 

With so many, they become muddled, treated with disdain, why are you wearing a pink shirt today… Why is that ribbon on your car, but people ask. 

So this is why we have those days.

Why is there only one day that is World Suicide Prevention day? For me, this is every day. But then I have seen more than my share of attempts, I have intervened directly in some, I have intercepted ones that I felt were fast approaching also. I know I will see more, I wish that this was not so.

Today Cat posted two lines on his blog, you can read  Cats Post here that I wish to share.

“Back then, every turn was met by another brick wall. I’m not exactly sure what changed or when, and neither can I say there is light at the end of the tunnel, but at least there is a tunnel.”

It is hard to see that tunnel sometimes, that tomorrow, the one that may finally be a bit better. We must always look down the tunnel though, allow for that tomorrow.

Why?

Because of this next bit I am also borrowing from Cat.

 

“Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco is well known for its suicides. Its massive height of 756feet almost guarantees few survivors. Without a doubt, the leap over the edge is most certainly that final decision.

Up until last year, out of more than 1,500 people to jump, only 34 survived. More than 50% of them said they instantly regretted jumping. Half way down, they suddenly realised there was in fact another option.  I cannot help but think of those who took that final thought to their graves.

 

I  am finishing this post with a reblog of a post I did not too long ago. Because if reading it gives a tiny flicker, to someone that is thinking.. If it makes someone abort a decision, to rethink, to wait for tomorrow, I will be happy.

I was at the hospital when a call came in, I was asked to ride along, we did not know how far things had progressed, it was hoped, not this far.

 

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The shed went up, woooot

Well we did it. We built a shed!

The day before assembly we worked on the floor, there is a kit of sorts that has framing that you put plywood on.We made the frame, there are a lot of parts. We bought a cordless drill with a screwdriver tip to put in the million screws it came with. Then the frame is placed on cement patio slabs and leveled. You don’t use a hammer at all. darn. I am good at hammering. 

eeeps patio slabs. Plywood, we checked the box and sure enough there were no patio slabs or sheets of plywood packed. Sheish.

Off to the building supply store… but plywood is in big sheets and even if you try to, folding it to put in the trunk doesn’t seem to work.

What do you mean it is not cut to size?

This shed thing became more complicated, but we remembered the look our neighbour gave us when he asked who was going to assemble it.

do you deliver small loads?

wooohooo

today?

puppy dog eyes really work you know.

 

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Do it yourself. you can do it….

We decided that we need to move some of our garden tools and some storage items out of our garage and into a shed. We want to build a very nice shed that does not look like a shed, but that will be for next year. So in the meantime we just need a quick fix.

garden-shed-architectural

last week we found a good deal on a shed that was on sale and was even cheaper when we paid for it, wooot double bonus. It will be delivered this week. It is not pretty but it will hold some of the items that are in our way now and we can hide it behind the garage.

 

but needs to be assembled.

It will be nice to have the extra storage though.

shed

But that will be easy right? To assemble? 

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