A rhyme a rhyme my gold for a rhyme

Anniversaries they come and go,
it is a yearly thing, you know.
Unless you like them each week,
it could be that which you seek?

Once a year is good for me,
I am not too greedy you see.
An anniversary can be so nice it is sought,
or one you would rather have, not.

Not all of them are great,
some you could just hate.
We try not to pay homage to those,
maybe, instead, just write some prose?

A tribute to someone that has passed,
Or something in our memory, which is cast.
We should just try to forget these,
and focus on the ones that do us please.

We can dwell in our past if we desire,
those thorns can form such a brier.
Entangle us in its tangled grip.
deeper in we can slip.

The future is ahead.
look to it instead.
To my blog happy anniversary,
aren’t you glad this rhyme, wasn’t nursery?

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Is it today or yesterday?

WordPress sent me a note last night, quite late too I may add. 

It is my Anniversary!

 

Wooot

 

Four years ago I started my blog, in those days I posted much more often, once or twice a day it seems instead of the once or twice a month I seem to have gravitated to recently.  

But it has been four years.

Now you can all send anniversary gifts to me, I like gold best. What?

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oh that is very nice.

Set of gold bars isolated on white background

This nice too, you know, in case you can’t find any cute A’s

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Maladaptive beliefs and fear of judgment in therapy OR Speed bumps.

Maladaptive beliefs refers to  a term that describes ill formed thinking patterns, mostly negative, behaviour patterns, reaction patterns that may, but not always, have been learned during a traumatic event or childhood. Unsupported irrational thinking or beliefs. False, but accepted by the individual. 

A maladaptive schema clouds self judgment. This can be related to abandonment issues, shame, dependence, vulnerabilities, mistrust and on and on and on..

For a previous post on maladaptive beliefs click here.

In therapy one large stumbling block, is when a patient will conceal information. There are numerous reasons why this could be. Shame, trust, embarrassment, fear, humiliation, there is a long list that becomes more and more technical. 

These are things that cause us to fear that our therapist may judge us if we open up, to reveal. It can also be that the patient does not wish to change what they may be doing.

Or to that speak of it, ratifies it. That it really is a non issue, isn’t it?

There is the fear that they will be judged by their therapist. 

We are quick to self judge and doing so may believe others will do the same of us if information is revealed. 

We are often our harshest critics, our strongest judges of ourselves. As a therapist we are not there to judge but to help you lesson your own critical self judgment. 

In therapy you will often run across something the patient does not wish to discuss, an area of topic or something more specific. An example something more specific is self harm. Both the patient and the therapist may or may not know this is an on going issue, but either way the patient doesn’t wish to talk about it ‘at this time’. They may not really wish to stop practicing self harm or they may find it an embarrassing topic.
This is often because of the fear of being judged. Judged by someone that maybe doesn’t understand, They don’t self harm, so how can they know? Self harm is not understood by most, noses raise, frowns issue, many say ewe or just don’t do that. Easy advice to issue. Just don’t do that.

This can though apply to many issues, “you are not in my place so how can you possibly understand what I go through.” So the patient does not reveal.

It is difficult to provide help, with limited information. Or with a wall that has been built that a patient is unwilling to tear down, or even get close to. Therapy will be never ending when information is withheld or is just wrong.

This fear of being judged is a giant speed bump in therapy. 

Some simple examples, my meds don’t work so I stopped taking them. Perhaps you didn’t mention you drink heavily, or take other narcotics or other meds that you have not revealed. Because this would involve what you feel to be judgment or you have no intention of stopping to drink heavily, so there is no point in admitting that you do.

So to avoid being judged, patients may omit or lie. The patients hope they can receive help and just avoid these areas. Unfortunately those areas are often thorns, sometimes the root of their torment, there is no avoiding some issues unfortunately. 

We don’t take our car into the shop and tell them it goes beep beep boop and then not tell them about the purple smoke that comes out of the dashboard because we want our car to be well again. 

We may lie when we are asked if we are suicidal, because then we fear being placed in an institution for our safety, we don’t want to go there. So we may lie.
A lower self esteem, self worth often contributes to this fear of judgment. A low self esteem is linked to guilt, often this guilt may be associated with past incidents that they blame themselves for. Prime examples are child abuse, sexual assault. The mind can not comprehend how someone can be capable of doing these things, often self blame arises to justify the attackers reasoning. This is when maladaptive beliefs form. This is when it can become quite complex. The fear of judgment from what they may not be revealing may be unjustified. First off the therapist is not going to judge, even though that thought is not believed, second the undisclosed information may be unfounded to some extent, I know this sounds complex and unsorted. Rationality though, is not firm. Clear thinking is not, clear. 

The fear can be powerful too, that discussing the hidden issue, will awaken, and possibly will,  a much too powerful feeling, fear, memory or even an alter. Or cause someone else to suffer, or go to jail. Yes often a patient may be protecting an attacker, living with their attack/s but still protecting them, knowing that to reveal may cause them to be jailed. Working through this with your therapist in a controlled safe environment is the way to peace. 

Judging is a human trait, it is something we do.  A therapist understands, unless they are not worthy, and then you should seek another promptly, judging a patient will be a detriment to therapy. It will create distrust. A therapist will be more aware of this than most and will strive to not show any signs of judgment. But, perhaps there really is no judgment to be made either? Most often, this is the case.

The judgment that is feared, is often not warranted, It may be from maladapted beliefs. Something the therapist will help the patient with, rather than ridiculing them or even judging, as perhaps there is no judgment to make, no ill thoughts, only help.

We can also conceal or lie to impress. We want our therapist to like us, so the truth may be stretched or completely changed to impress. This too becomes complex. Honesty with your therapist will go a long way to your healing. 

There may be other reasons for fearing judgment. Criminal activities being an example. If you tell your therapist, are they going to report you to the authorities? To your partner or parents? The answer too, is not so easy, this varies from place to place, how the laws may protect your privileges, your right to confidentially.

There will be few, if any areas though, that will keep your therapist from taking further action if they fear you are a danger to others or yourself, they have a legal responsibility to take action in that case.

If though, you have gone to the trouble of seeing a therapist, because you have those thoughts. To answer yes, when asked are you suicidal, or not to say I am not fine, when asked how you are. This is going to help you. It may be possible if you answer those questions honestly that more care will be sought for you, it may be possible that, with your therapists help you right that second too, things can turn around and further care in a hospital for example, may not always be needed.

See You have taken the step to seek therapy, to seek help, to feel better, but you have to take the second step too, and reveal with honestly. Speed bumps are for parking lots. Don’t make therapy a parking lot.

 

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Snow Day… ON A FRIDAY!

Well not for us, but for my friends in the warm sunny south, how great is that?

 

eeeeps, well snow is fun, you just ordered too much, sheish.

CARTOON-SNOW-SHOVEL-BOY-122710

It is ok though. There will be lots of people out to move it around, pssst there is good money to be made removing snow.

 

Hope everyone giggles, don’t worry it will melt.

'Removal sounds politically incorrect.'

before the big storm…

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after the big storm….

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awww, look.

dae7211da3fb7073c0e1e0227a2ef232

 

funny_bicycle_home_made_snow_removal_m1003

VW-Snow-Removal

PedalPlow

planning is everything…. sneaky snow plow drivers plan too much.

mackinnon_cartoon_mar_19_2015

skiers-snow-day

Stay safe everyone please.

 

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Mine mine mine…

We have a new planet. Well sort of. 

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They sort of discovered a new planet to replace the one we sent back a long time ago. This one is bigger so they are going to keep it. I thought size didn’t matter? 

No one has seen the new planet yet, but they have lots of pretty circles showing where it is, sort of. I mean they think it is there.2nd_p9_kbo_orbits_labeled_1_-1200x675Oh yes, the new planet, if it is there… is planet nine, sort of because it is ninth. So no real name yet.

 

I hereby claim planet nine. Henceforth it shall be known as Ambersville.

 

Tada.

sorry I am back yet?

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Look I am back

Have you noticed Oprah W has a new commercial out?

 

One for weight watchers?

 

It is good timing on her part, many make that New Years resolution to lose weight. When they see Oprah, someone that promotes respectability, pushing a program at weight watchers, they really listen. She sways a lot of opinion. They believe what she tells them.

She has a fireside chat type commercial airing now, without the fire. One where she is just talking to you. This is not an accidental format for the commercial. It lends a lot more sway power to it, you want to join her, she is very convincing.

What seems to have slipped through the cracks here though. Is she is a stock holder in weight watchers.

oops. she didn’t mention this in her commercial. She is not hiding the fact, she was on Ellen talking about how she bought ten percent of the company for forty million dollars. How she made forty five million dollars the next day (I think) as the stock sort of doubled.

But in her commercial, where implied honesty is beaming through, this somewhat important detail is omitted. It is not, hey I liked the product so much I bought the company…

But the honest fireside chat format would be destroyed if she had said, hey I own this company you should try it out. She could have made that work though. It is too bad she didn’t try.

Negative points for you Oprah. 

oh this isn’t a rant, I am just ticked that she did this lol. 

If I was ranting I would be talking about the greedy oil companies that are buying crude oil for $29 dollars a barrel and the prices at the pumps are the same as when it was $100 dollars a barrel. OOPS… more greed is showing. Now that ticks me off a lot.

That would be a rant.

 

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What is a few million dollars… here and there. and there. and there.

Recently contract negotiations were conducted between the province of Ontario and some teachers unions. The teachers were adamant that this had nothing to do with wages, it was all about the students welfare. 

In most public sector jobs, wages have been frozen for a while, private sector jobs have been this way for some time, recessions sort of dictate prudent spending. Yes I know the government often ignores prudence. ok runs away from it like it was a plague… 

So when the strike was settled, contrary to promising there was no more money to grant raises, it seems this did take place, though it was not about wages it was all about the students welfare. uhmmm.

Now something is hitting the fan and it is not air.

It has been released that the government, in negations with the unions. Gave the unions some money, not much, just 2.5 million.

What for?

Well that is a good question, but we won’t find that out, it was done in secret, now that the secret is out, they maintain this was done to cover the unions negotiating expenses. HUH?

How was this done? Well we won’t know that either as there were no invoices, no receipts, no accountability in any manor was taken by the government, here is the money. thanks.

Well Education Minister Liz Sandals said (from the Globe and Mail) “

that there are no itemized accounts of exactly what taxpayers’ money paid for. “You’re asking me if I have receipts and invoices. No, I don’t,” Ms. Sandals said when asked if there was any accounting for the expenses, adding she’d “make no apologies” for the payouts.

The minister said she was satisfied $2.5-million was reasonable based on her own knowledge of bargaining expenses. The unions had to spend money for officials to travel to meetings in Toronto, stay in hotels and order pizza during negotiating sessions, she said.

“We know what hotel rooms cost, we know what meeting rooms cost, we know what the food costs, we know what 100 pizzas cost,” she said. “You don’t need to see every bill when you’re doing an estimate of costs. I don’t ask.”

So I am not a business major, but I can push buttons on my calculator, I know I am multi talented. lets see… 100 pizza’s  $800 to $1400 ?  likely they had some sort of gourmet pizza flown in from France though… 

Hotel rooms…  a comfortable room at $200 a night? is that fair? I mean this is or should not be some sort of entitled luxury item right?

so at $200 a night… that is something like 12 THOUSAND nights of hotel rooms… eeeps. I didnt think that many people were involved in the negotiations. 

Hey wait, isn’t this the unions job? To do negotiations? 

So the questions were asked… in past negotiations, were there payouts then as well?

Her answer? “I’m not sure that it is useful to go back and rake through the history,” she said.

Uhm? It is not? Isn’t that how criminals are caught? uhm..

also from the Globe

Premier Kathleen Wynne dodged questions on the subject in the daily Question Period.

She is pretty dodgy. 

It is interesting that the unions that received this money spent so much getting this government elected. Millions and millions. I wonder why?

Future investments?

ugh.

“And Education Minister Liz Sandals has admitted that the government has repeatedly given such payouts to teachers’ unions over the past decade to compensate them for the cost of collective bargaining with the province. The payments raise tough questions about the government’s claims it is not spending new money to reach labour settlements.”

They are using old money?

I am very annoyed. When is the next election?

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Edit… The amount of payouts to unions now has climbed to almost 5 million.

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