Dates in time

Celebrations and parties, gifts and smiles…

not always

Many Anniversaries are memories of events, perhaps sad or sour memories.

Memories of when just saying …no


doesn’t seem to mean no

It is disturbing, that someone feels they have the right to take things that they are not welcome to.

Are they so special that this is acceptable?

somethings stolen may not be property, but self respect self worth… innocence… and so much more.

I am going to toss out some numbers, as these will shock many.

These are from the U of T

Four out of five female undergraduate students reported that they had been victims of violence in a dating relationship

Sixty percent of Canadian college-age males reported that they would commit a sexual assault if they were certain that they would not be caught    ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????? are you serious?

Fifty-one percent of all Canadian women have experienced at least one incident of sexual or physical violence. Close to 60% of these women have survived more than one violent incident.

Now from another other source

The New York Times

Nearly one in five women surveyed said they had been raped or had experienced an attempted rape at some point, and one in four reported having been beaten by an intimate partner.

It is disturbing. Obviously. Mostly, because of the long lasting impact on the victim. Short term there is devastation, and fear. When this subsides, the haunting feeling lingers. Often physical illnesses will arise, asthma, IBS… 

And then there are the mental effects.. the depression, over vigilance, the lack of self worth or confidence. the suicides. 

it is so terrible

And so many don’t report it, or suppress it.

The lack of sleep, flash backs always tormenting. haunting you in such a terrible way.

all so some uhm… person.. can have a brief moment of pleasure? gawds

It is such a touchy subject. not one that people like to speak of openly or in public. 

when they do, they are scorned, no one wants to hear about it.

move on, it is over with, you are ok….

but are you? I have my doubts.

Because the numbers are so high, I am sure many that stumble across this will know first hand of what I am going on about. *so gives you a soft hug and a smile*, I believe you. 

please, don’t bottle it up, no one can make the memory or the event go away. But it is not something to try to contain, or hide.

seek help if it torments you, and I know it does. *nods slowly*, I knows

I was introduced to someone a while back, someone that had just experienced an event. My roommate thought I could help her work through it, to gather her up and rebuild her. 

In this case there was no penetration.  But often there isn’t. But the event still has happened and the lack of this final insult doesn’t make it any less traumatic, and a in few more moments there probably would have been penetration. So the fear grows. The event is still traumatic, the violation has happened.

people point and whisper

the s word is often used, a word I hate so much. I won’t even type it. It is the worst of the four letter words. Just because we want to look nice, to be happy… it is not an open invitation to take. And that label.. that word.. not even in fun do I like it.

So because of the ostracizing, so many keep it hidden. 

But this girl had a good friend, Megan. She knew I could help, and with care we moved on. Oh there are at times, flashes in her eyes when memories spring. But she is strong now and harnesses them, and she is filled with love again and knows she is loved. 

And through that date in time.. that event… that anniversary that is here.. also brought us together, the silver lining in that cloud of despair. 

so why have I wasted all your time with this?

Because those numbers are so high. And when they are not reported.. they happen again.. and again…

so be strong if you can, and I understand if you can’t… but try to let someone know, someone strong you can depend on. And don’t bottle it up. *hugs you again* It wasn’t your fault. but maybe you can keep it from happening to another person… points to the line way up there.. if not caught 60% would do it. 

Oh I know, for those that it may have happened to recently and stumbled across this post with hope.. I have probably given you little.. but you are not alone and there is a lot of help out there.. you may think you don’t need it, but I know it will help.. whispers.. I really know.

How did Megan know I could help? well of course we were roommates even then, and she knew my studies.. but she also knew more..

*nods* I have an anniversary as well.

looks at that 60% with anger and loathing 


About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-) Now a mother of two little ones.

7 responses »

  1. just hugs you so tight… ma ange

  2. One of the best things I ever did, was introduce the two of you. You have both grown so much and the love that flows is so beautiful.

    But then, I knew that would happen too.. I have some magic as well it seems.

    But Amber is right, this is not something to be ashamed of or to hide. If it has happened to you, remember You didn’t do it, you are not the criminal. So speak out, be proud of yourself. Mend.

  3. Sends a tender *hug* with thots of love to aimee and amber.

  4. That the numbers are so high….(which numbers? All of them.) ….*sighs*

    Is it shocking? I wish it were shocking. Unfortunately, when it has happened to you, the numbers almost do not matter. If it’s 1%..and you are in that 1%…or if its 50% and you are in that 50% ….do the numbers matter?

    I mean it should. I do not want this to happen to anyone else….they need to go down.

    I do not pretend that what happened to me in any way is as bad as what others have gone though. I am lucky that the unthinkable was prevented. What does stay though, is the thought that I was “lucky”. Really? Lucky? Things such as that should not even happen. I am rambling …. I need to stop.

    I am glad that there has been good that came to several of you. I do not like saying that good somehow came out of something so horrible … but rather, hopes you would have found one another somehow.

    Hugs to all of you..

    • no, the numbers matter not at all. When you are a part of the percentage… the violated.

      rambling is good, it is a form of venting, always feel free to ramble on and on. I promise to read every word.



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