When light hurts

When sound makes you cringe, curl up and withdraw

Light causes pain

you want to sleep… but can’t

normal things.. should you do them.. or leave them for now and just sit there…

but when you sit there, it gets worse

you think about it.. and it grows.. feeding on your thoughts, your misery. pulsing

so back to a normal routine.. but it is so bright and why is that fan making so much noise…

closing my eyes for a moment, it feels good.. and then the pulses.. the throbs..  such a sharp pain… constant.. unrelenting. 

a cold compress.. that will help.. off I go, dampening a cloth.. over my eyes… then a trail of water runs down my neck.. it feels terrible, the cloth goes through a wall… everything sense is heightened.  what is that terrible smell… omg it is awful…  was it here yesterday?

it is hot, need to find a cooler place.. then moments later.. it is so cold.. shivering.. too cold.. nothing works

frustration building, pain so intense.. want to rip it out…

my hair is heavy

when will it go whispering over and over in your head

a tear forms.. more quickly follow.. giving in.. you can’t stop

and then the pain becomes worse, crying does that.. have to stop .. no tears.. calm breaths.. control… it has to stop soon.

people are talking to me.. why are they doing that… tell them to stop

then someone is here, leading me away.. to a quiet dark place.. 

no talking.. laying me down, head on their lap.. a finger sliding over the middle of my forehead.. quietly.. then between my eyebrows… 

moving slowly then another.. light touches spreading out over my forehead and moving through my hair.. 

then back and forth over my scalp, just right.. mmmmm, over and over from my forehead over my head… not stopping

no talking, no more tears.. it is quiet

thumbs over my temples.. small circles..   then on to the base of my skull thumbs working in… little circles

not stopping.. it is so good.. just keeps going.. relaxing.. eyes still closed.. falling asleep.. entering the world of sleep.. no pain…  knowing the fingers are still working their magic, they haven’t stopped, so light the touch, always moving.. firm at times.. pressing in just right. pulses fading.. drifting off…


I have a scale, a rating.. it goes from zero to eight. It really goes from zero to ten, but I feel I haven’t had a ten yet.. I hope I never do. 

With a seven or an eight I can’t function any more.. the above is an eight.. and I haven’t had one for a while now, but I had a lot of them a while ago, and this was the only way they went away.. my roommate since my first year at the U would take me back to our dorm room when I had one.. and would rub my head like this for hours.. she is so special. And she knew when I had one, no we don’t have the same courses and are often in different buildings.. but she would know.. and appear.. and take me back to our room.

hmmm, so why am I writing about this today.. well I have one now, it is not too bad. but it reminded me.

I know, many get them, and they are terrible. There are times they last for days.. weeks, months.. years. each and everyday for some, and meds don’t help.

I haven’t had them last that long,  though I have had episodes where they are there day after day for weeks, perhaps a month. And meds often don’t help.

People will notice.. they know you have a migraine.. you get some sympathy sometimes.  Many go ‘oh a head ache’ and continue on like so what.

They haven’t had one.

so why the blog?

Often, when you haven’t had one, ever, your comprehension of them doesn’t exist.. you may have children. Perhaps they are having them, but you dismiss it. They are not headaches, not like you may experience. And when a parent doesn’t understand.. the pain.. that their child is experiencing. 

well, I think you get the picture.

No, my parents were not among that group, they understood, and it is not why I am blogging about this now.

It is just to open your eyes. Just in case.

Oh I know, I have blogged about them before, and you know what? I will do it again. Perhaps some future blogs may help you.. if you are suffering from one, or have a loved one that is. There are things you can do to help, to reduce the pain. even make it go away.. like Megan did for me. Pressure points exist that help to relieve it. Gentle massaging to these points can work wonders, they are in your hands and feet as well as your head.

Perhaps in another post. 


to Meg… you saved me you know.


About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-) Now a mother of two little ones.

6 responses »

  1. I know I did ber, but you were so worth saving. 🙂

    And you have repaid me a hundredfold.

  2. *Soft hugs*….am so hoping you are feeling much better by the time you read this Amber! Love ya!

  3. omg…I have NEVER had one. I hope I never do. I only know of them from the descriptions from others … but this one, your description … oh my god. I am glad Megan knows how to help you. And wishing they are far and few in between … wishes they would go away for you .. and for others.

    • This is why I wrote this blog. I recently heard where a young girl, well my age actually, was suffering from them, her parents don’t get them or understand them. I think she gets them a lot and with no support or understanding at home.. it just adds to the pain. You are expected to preform normally, do things.. why are you so quiet.. what’s wrong, why don’t you go out, do some chores… it is just a headache..

      They are not all that bad, you manage with most. But when a bad one happens by.. you push the pause button and step off the world for a bit.

      • Nod nods.

        This sounds similar to something a friend of mine suffers from. Not similar in what you physically experience, but similar is the way it happens. She has meneires disease (where you experience extreme dizziness). Apparently it can come on suddenly to varying degrees of extremeness. At some of it’s worse she has to lie down on the floor. She told me it does not matter if she is laying down and if her eyes are closed….she cannot stand and balance…even when she is laying down she has a constant feeling of falling and tipping over. It sounds awful. She just has to wait until it passes…which can take minutes or hours. Like migraines, I do not think there is a “cure” for it.

  4. no, there is no cure for meniere’s, and dizzy is no fun, often that goes with a migraine too, they have a lot of side effects called aura… hmmm maybe the next post, but with meniere’s it is because it is an inner ear disorder, so the balance is disturbed.


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