When sound makes you cringe, curl up and withdraw
Light causes pain
you want to sleep… but can’t
normal things.. should you do them.. or leave them for now and just sit there…
but when you sit there, it gets worse
you think about it.. and it grows.. feeding on your thoughts, your misery. pulsing.
so back to a normal routine.. but it is so bright and why is that fan making so much noise…
closing my eyes for a moment, it feels good.. and then the pulses.. the throbs.. such a sharp pain… constant.. unrelenting.
a cold compress.. that will help.. off I go, dampening a cloth.. over my eyes… then a trail of water runs down my neck.. it feels terrible, the cloth goes through a wall… everything sense is heightened. what is that terrible smell… omg it is awful… was it here yesterday?
it is hot, need to find a cooler place.. then moments later.. it is so cold.. shivering.. too cold.. nothing works
frustration building, pain so intense.. want to rip it out…
my hair is heavy
when will it go whispering over and over in your head
a tear forms.. more quickly follow.. giving in.. you can’t stop
and then the pain becomes worse, crying does that.. have to stop .. no tears.. calm breaths.. control… it has to stop soon.
people are talking to me.. why are they doing that… tell them to stop
then someone is here, leading me away.. to a quiet dark place..
no talking.. laying me down, head on their lap.. a finger sliding over the middle of my forehead.. quietly.. then between my eyebrows…
moving slowly then another.. light touches spreading out over my forehead and moving through my hair..
then back and forth over my scalp, just right.. mmmmm, over and over from my forehead over my head… not stopping
no talking, no more tears.. it is quiet
thumbs over my temples.. small circles.. then on to the base of my skull thumbs working in… little circles
not stopping.. it is so good.. just keeps going.. relaxing.. eyes still closed.. falling asleep.. entering the world of sleep.. no pain… knowing the fingers are still working their magic, they haven’t stopped, so light the touch, always moving.. firm at times.. pressing in just right. pulses fading.. drifting off…
I have a scale, a rating.. it goes from zero to eight. It really goes from zero to ten, but I feel I haven’t had a ten yet.. I hope I never do.
With a seven or an eight I can’t function any more.. the above is an eight.. and I haven’t had one for a while now, but I had a lot of them a while ago, and this was the only way they went away.. my roommate since my first year at the U would take me back to our dorm room when I had one.. and would rub my head like this for hours.. she is so special. And she knew when I had one, no we don’t have the same courses and are often in different buildings.. but she would know.. and appear.. and take me back to our room.
hmmm, so why am I writing about this today.. well I have one now, it is not too bad. but it reminded me.
I know, many get them, and they are terrible. There are times they last for days.. weeks, months.. years. each and everyday for some, and meds don’t help.
I haven’t had them last that long, though I have had episodes where they are there day after day for weeks, perhaps a month. And meds often don’t help.
People will notice.. they know you have a migraine.. you get some sympathy sometimes. Many go ‘oh a head ache’ and continue on like so what.
They haven’t had one.
so why the blog?
Often, when you haven’t had one, ever, your comprehension of them doesn’t exist.. you may have children. Perhaps they are having them, but you dismiss it. They are not headaches, not like you may experience. And when a parent doesn’t understand.. the pain.. that their child is experiencing.
well, I think you get the picture.
No, my parents were not among that group, they understood, and it is not why I am blogging about this now.
It is just to open your eyes. Just in case.
Oh I know, I have blogged about them before, and you know what? I will do it again. Perhaps some future blogs may help you.. if you are suffering from one, or have a loved one that is. There are things you can do to help, to reduce the pain. even make it go away.. like Megan did for me. Pressure points exist that help to relieve it. Gentle massaging to these points can work wonders, they are in your hands and feet as well as your head.
Perhaps in another post.
to Meg… you saved me you know.