From yesterdays post, I think you can see we, the four of us, get along quite well, we are a team, a family. Why does it work so well? How do you make a relationship succeed?
With family’s, friends, couples or the work place, it is all the same. It isn’t just respect, give and take, but that is a lot of it. Not just the way you treat others, but a grouping of a lot of things.
Here is an example.
Two managers, same situation. Instructions are given to an employee on a task to be preformed. The employee messes up and the task is.. well not quite right.
Manager A tears a strip off the employee, writes them up, tells them to get it done right, possibly in front of other workers.
Manager B looks at the mess, explains in detail (nicely) how it should have been done, possibly even apologizing for not explaining it correctly the first time (because in all likely hood they didn’t). Maybe helping to correct it and work alongside them.
Or your spouse, friend, roommate spills a tub of sugar on the floor you just cleaned.. jumping up and down pulling out your hair and using some words that would make a sailor blush…. nope, that isn’t going to help, even if you wanted to do that… but jumping in and helping clean it, maybe even giggling while doing so.. then you both feel better.
Oh I know, it is simple and everyone knows this. But when you practice this sort of thing all the time, you get use to it. You have a brighter outlook on things and the people around you do as well. When you ask someone to do something for you, they jump to do it, because of the relationship you established and that aura that surrounds you. That positive glow. And those around you will start doing the same thing.
It isn’t motivating people, you can’t motivate someone. They have to do that on their own, you can create the atmosphere where that is more possible though for them, to motivate themselves, strive to do better. to get that pat on the back.
A pat on the back for almost getting something right goes much farther than a kick in the behind for not being perfect.
When you explain something to someone, something important… ask them to explain it to you and tell them it is because you want to be sure that you explained it properly, not because you feel they are dense.
When someone does ten things, and only one is right. Good job on that one. Focus on the positive. They will realize that the others are not perfect and strive to get pats on the back for all ten next time. That purple line is very straight, it is beautiful… wow, imagine what the picture would look like if all the lines were straighter, but that looks so great. Good job.
It is hard to do, your primary instinct is to smack them for the 9 that were not great. But when you start doing it all the time… it becomes a part of you, and those around you too.
And never criticize in front of others, that should always be done in private. Humiliation is not character building.
Just like in a relationship, you can’t always eat out, even though your partner may like it a lot. And maybe taking a little interest in bowling, even though you may find it silly… will go a long way. who knows, you may discover you like it after all.
TV night, you hate that show.. so you go in another room and read a book… but if you watch the show together, and discuss it a bit.. who knows, but you are doing something together, maybe they will watch your show and talk about it too.. but only on the commercials.. omg.
Food.. or dinner, you love liver.. they hate it. but like hot dogs.. and you don’t.. so it is easy, when you cook liver, cook them hot dogs, make it a normal thing.. it is hot dog liver night, you are both happy. It becomes a thing.
Start small, take the first step, be positive, share. It grows if you can stay with it. It is certainly more fun than blowing up, criticizing or complaining. And you feel better too.