Self Image

With the recent blogs I want to jump up and down with some words too. Toss them into the pool of thot.. murk up the water a bit.

Not sure why, as the topic has been covered well, and the comments have added a lot to the topic. Well, I do know why. 

But.. oh well, maybe a different spin will emerge.

Lets see…


omg, what is that?

it sounds yucky.

hmmm, perhaps that is the problem.

This is the sum of your beliefs and ideas that you have about yourself.  This collection of thoughts and images that you feel make yourself up and becomes intertwined with how you start to be.

nods, be, an interesting term. How you see yourself shapes the way you act and it grows, shaping who you are. Who you will become.

Your self schema forms during childhood, this is when you determine good and bad and how it shapes you. This is the learning phase for everything, good and bad, beautiful and ugly.

Hmmm, lets go with a definition:

Self-Schema: A self-schema is a belief or idea about oneself that leads to a bias that is self-perpetuating. It could consist of a particular role in society or a generalization based on social sterotypes. If a mother tells her daughter she looks like a tom boy, her daughter may react by choosing activities that she imagines a tom boy would do. Conversely, if the mother tells her she looks like a princess, her daughter might choose activities thought to be more feminine. The self-schema becomes self-perpetuating when the individual chooses activities based on expectations instead of desires.

How do we truly know what is good or bad, we learn it, how do we know what is beautiful, we like something… based on what? Do we like something because others like it, so we know it is hmmm liked? or do we let go and say… I like that, and I don’t care what others think.

We do when we are honest. But how do you be honest yourself?

Once your self schema forms, people can tell you that you are great, you may not believe it. You smile and nod and dismiss it.

What shapes your self image, your self schema, just input from others? yes… and….

No, your personality does as well.  Another example. A workaholic, overachiever, someone that is very critical, a perfectionist, well they can’t be pleased, so they keep failing. They start to see themselves, often, as failures. Developing a negative self image, shaping their self schema, and then they know they are a failure, so why try.

So can you change it?

Well you can do anything, but it took years to develop your self image, it may take a while to modify it.

Some things shape it that are harder to change, overcome.

Other things shape it.

More examples. Perhaps you have OCD, ADD, Bipolar… and on and on hmm, traits, ( notice i omitted the word disorder – I dislike labels. they stick) This can shape your self image strongly. And in a negative fashion. Why? now don’t get me wrong, but so what? how about instead… I had a great challenge and overcame it. I am so great.  I CAN DO ANYTHING. Because you can. whispers.. you really can.

And you can change your self image, your self schema. It isnt your id, it is mold-able. You can shape it. Work at it. modify it.

But it forms in childhood, when you start thinking about yourself. And children are so critical of each other, this spreads. It is a social thing. If we were all more loving, and understanding, would we all be more healthy mentally? YES

But during childhood some things happen, abandonment, abuse, deprived, neglected, ignored…. This shapes it a lot.

So it may be time for a reshaping.

This is an incredibly deep subject, and I am hardly skimming it.

What made you who you are.

How do you see yourself. You are overweight, you are too thin, your hair sucks, too many freckles, glasses…



look at the forest, is every tree the same?

Wouldn’t it be terrible if they were?

This frustrates me so much, you are who you are inside. You can’t change the outside. You are beautiful.

If you really feel you are overweight… it can be changed, but do it slow, a better diet, join a walking group. You meet the friendliest people when out walking. And many do it in malls, so the floors are even and the weather is perfect.

see, no excuses. but do it slow, so you dont give up, become frustrated. But… are you truly overweight? No, don’t just nod, I saw that. Or do you think you just are, because Sara is thin and popular. Or because the models on the catwalks are so slender…. omg please don’t fall in that trap.

But exercise, *nods lots* it truly makes you feel great. A workout charges you up so much.

Inside though, is where it matters, because that is who you are. As we all get older we change, some of us become more beautiful on the outside, and we keep getting older, we can’t help that, beauty is measured inside more and more as we age, because soon, Sara.. down the road will be older, maybe some wrinkles.. her red hair may be dyed…  age is the great equalizer. 

So start measuring your inner beauty now. Don’t wait. Project it, let it radiate. 

you are who you are, and you are beautiful. I keep saying that… listen.. no.. truly listen, stop everything and look inside. see? You are great! Project that, believe it. Be it.

True beauty exists inside you, anyone can look nice, but not everyone can be nice.


About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-) Now a mother of two little ones.

13 responses »

  1. Very well said amber, the inner beauty can out shine the outer beauty.. their is absolutely no doubt of that..

    Hence forth the awesome reason in making friends online, even those love connections.

    But let me say this, if I a person finds flaws in themselves, no matter how much you say it, it won’t change their views on themselves..

    Using an example of myself.. I know I am growing older and added on a few pounds, and when I comment on this to my husband (real time here) His comment is ‘you’re like a fine wine’. Although, the gesture is sweet, it doesn’t change the reality of how I feel or see myself.. And well the bitch in me doesn’t help either.. *LOL*

    • if you look, you can always find flaws. If they can’t be changed, so what?

      too tall, or too short? what is too?

      I know words don’t change the way we look at ourselves. It may be the hardest thing to overcome. But you can convince yourself of anything, if you truly want to.

      Gaining weight as we age is a normal thing, harder to overcome, exercise is harder to do, it hurts more.

      What you tell yourself is what you believe. You need to look inside and go.. hey I am really special, she is right again. 🙂 …. you pinch that bulge and go.. that is me, it is who I am. And I am great. ….then go for a walk.. gawds Chey. no more grits. *giggles*

      Making friends online is something I have given thought to, a future blog I think, but we seem to make them faster, and I think much stronger online. Without those visual hangups, but what happens when we meet. Does the friendship change? do visual hangups rear their ugly heads and go no no no?

  2. As always amber you state thngs with an eloquence and thoroughness that almost makes me think no comment from me is necessary. I will add one thing, however, regarding trying to change ones self schemas. If you know your Rogers (Carl, not mr.) you know he said tat we tend to ignore or distort experiences that are not consistent with our self concept. So a friends compliment on how good we looked gets turned into the idea that she’s a good friend to lie so nicely. Luckily. I’m not a rogerian. I think we can change such negative self talk, but as Ellis said, it’s hard friggin work. And we have to realize we’re worth it to work on ourselves. Thank you for always urging us to do so and encouraging us all that we are worth it.

    • nods, “reality” for the individual, but perhaps not really reality. Likely not.
      But he also said values can be taken from others and introjected and possibly, likely, disjointed, so why not perceive yourself differently. introject into your own psyche, positively. Shape yourself.

      Some things are hard to overcome, but so worth the effort.

  3. Wow. I had to sit and read, and re-read this. A lot of this are terms and concepts that I do not know. (DId I get told this in college somewhere? Did my counselor mention this?)

    Self schema. Schema, as in …scheme .. a diagram … a … a diagram? Nods…that makes sense. A self mapping….and when you do the map yourself, and map the errors, they are harder to see.

    Ok…that was me totally babbling there.

    One thing that I liked … that makes me think … yes Katie, you need to give yourself some leeway….was your comment that we have been developing this self schema for years and years….and it might take a while for us to change our thinking.

    Jaysus … I remember when I first started to blog … the conversations (and I do mean conversations … not blogs) did not seem so … so … what do I wish to say. “Deep” sounds trite. I think I mean … so meaningful … and …. good.

  4. Oh, looks up another Amy. waves too. It is a good name. 🙂 pssst, you spell it wrong *giggles*

    I know from discussions with you, that self imaging is primal in a lot of care. And it seems very hard to change/work with. But I know how important it is.

    Everyone needs to do what Amber says. *stomps my feet* right now. start smiling inside.

    wish it was that easy for everyone.

  5. Well, I had never heard the expression self-schema, so I obviously need to do some more reading! Or go back to school. Hmmmm, are there any openings up north I wonder? *Grinz*

    Oh, oh. Follows instructions and listens to aimee!

  6. Pingback: Maladaptive Beliefs & The Self Schema | sensuousamberville

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