Children.. Leave them at home? or just stop ignoring them………….

Recent posts have been full of thought and depth. Time to turn a corner as we digest them a bit. But we will revisit, of that I am sure. Glancing at the online news this morning, an article caught my attention. It is not a new issue, but seems to be growing. It was titled…

Should kids be banned from public places?

I saw this and gasped, but the article went on…

AirAsia introduced “quiet zones” meant “exclusively for guests age 12 and above” in economy class this week, effectively shunning ankle-biters and their parents to the rear of the plane, by the lavatory, on all flights as of next February.

This is not a new bit of news, restaurants have been shunning noisy children as well. Banning them.

Movie theaters.. Music concerts..

I know parents need to go out too, and honestly when I see a child, red faced, screaming, I get a sympathetic grin, an awwww. But that is not the real problem. Here, another quote from the article.

Parents and children are highly enmeshed now, argued Dr. Jean Twenge, a San Diego State University psychology professor who researches generational shifts and sees a highly permissive parenting culture taking hold in the middle class. She said the current outcry isn’t so much anti-child as it is critical of bad parenting: When your kid is hanging over a neighbour’s booth and running circles around the waiter, it makes de facto babysitters of us all.

“There are parents who just let their kids get away with murder and then everybody hates them. That, I think most people agree, is reprehensible,” said Twenge, who is also a mother of three and author of The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement.

My grin vanishes, when I am at a restaurant, enjoying, or trying to, my meal.. and a little one is running around, tugging on my chair as they pass, screaming.. and the parents are ignoring them. ?????

If I go to a concert, it was not to watch a child misbehaving while their parents enjoy the show.. as their young one keeps bumping into me, or took my smile as an invitation to become a part of my life.

At a movie, a crying baby is annoying, just as much as that twit that opens their smart phone and the bright glare distracts me, or the super twit that didn’t set it to quiet, and the ring tone goes off.. chariots of fire is not what I came to listen to. AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER THE PHONE.. sheish…

sorry, a side rant. lol.

The constant getting up and down in the theater because they are bored… 

So yes, I can see how people are looking for restrictions, or bans or curfews.  When parents go out, but feel the rest of the people will watch, that they are entitled (oh no, that word again) to go out too.

Don’t get me wrong, I love children. sooooo much. And I have more patience with them at these activities, when they are running about than most.  But I don’t feel it is right that they do, or create a disturbance for others that are trying to enjoy these events.

On an airplane, for a 4 hour flight… would you be upset if I stood beside you and just screamed in your face the whole time? not fair is it?

When you see a couple dining out, exchanging those special smiles, rings glinting on their fingers, comforted in the fact they have a babysitter at home watching their loved ones, while they have a special moment.. and a youngster from another table charges by.. and collides into their table.. or stands behind them screaming “I don’t like carrots” at their parents three tables away…  

it sort of ruins the moment. 

And that couple doesn’t have an abundance of sympathy, wondering if their babysitter was a waste of money now…

I know couples, and singles need to go out too. They also need to control things faster, and not in a mean way that makes everyone else cringe. I don’t want to hear you scold your child. And to be frank, doing that in public is very bad for the youngster. You never admonish someone in front of others, it is always to be done in private.

Now obviously pulling their hand away from an open flame and saying no.. is something you do when it happens, but to go into a tirade with everyone pretending not to hear… come on.

so, banning, curfews.. limitations.. are they the way we are going to go? Why has this not been something that was done years and years ago? This is my question. I am fairly certain children are not something new.. they have been around for quite a few years now haven’t they?

So why has this not been an issue before? What has changed?

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About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-)

11 responses »

  1. This was an interesting post… you ask what has changed – I think it is that we now live in a world where people want what they want when they want it… everything is nearly immediate… no wonder ADD seems to be on the rise no-one has any patience or perseverance any more… This is the age of entitlement – we want it so give it to us! It doesn’t matter if we deserve it or earned it. Sadly we preach about love and acceptance for others but live a life of self-centered luxury. Common courtesy and common sense seem to have flown out the window.

    To use your example of going out to eat, if a family wants to go out for dinner there are many “family restaurants” where children are welcome – Mickey D’s, IHOP, ABC’s family restaurant etc… kids are expected there… (they should however still be behaved) but at a nice steakhouse? that’s grown up territory, and the kids should be left at home. (I have 4 kids – 2 still at home – I understand wanting to go somewhere decent, but really? come on now… )

    I think if people just thought about others and exercised some common sense the whole idea of banning, limitations and curfews would be ridiculous…

    Reply
    • In the news article, there was also a link to a beer garden that is invoking a curfew of 4 o’clock, no children after that. There were and are protests. So who is right, It is a beer garden. should children be there at all? *nods* I think a family restaurant is the way to go. The kids will like it more, the other patrons will expect it.. or should.

      This place is beside a school, Teachers like to unwind there at the days end and also would rather their students weren’t in there.. I can see that, I am sure there would be heckling.

      it is interesting what you said as always 🙂 you mentioned entitlement.. and common sense, funny how they never seem to go together.

      But how, has this age of entitlement come about? and what is scary… is where is it going to go? how far? what is next?

      Reply
  2. Hmmmm. While I too am not overly fond of lil ones dashing abouts unsupervised in restaurants, the market or movie theaters, I will say I tend to be able to overlook the smaller transgressions and enjoy with wonderment the energy and enthusiasm that children bring. I know that lots of moms and dads are pretty frazzled these days, what with the economy and all, so I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. They may be exhausted and worn down and just trying to have a chance to get out for a bit.

    I take a dimmer view of the teenage set that seems to lack respect for those that are older than them. When I was growing up, we were taught to respect and defer to elders. Not sure when things changed, but gosh, the language, apparel and attitude exhibited by so many teenagers these days leaves quite a bit to be desired. (Just my two cents worth!)

    Sends big HUGS to A/all!

    Reply
    • awww, me too. when that little bundle of energy comes bounding over, it is sooo cute.. but I also see the slightly older ones… taking forks off other tables.. and the parents don’t care. Or in the grocery store, tossing food on the floor.. eeeps and the parents just keep going.

      I am not taking issue with the children. because to me, they are the best part of life.. and teenagers too, They are adults in a small body.. being squeezed. trying to grow…. it is the parents that I am questioning.

      why has a lack of respect originated. The children haven’t changed… i am certain the recipe is still the same for making them.

      you said you were taught to respect and defer to elders.. has that changed? who has stopped doing the teaching?

      why?

      I have some ideas, and we have discussed them too. but lets wait to see if anyone else does.

      likes hugs 🙂

      hmm, I could look for some quotes.. from the turn of the century, not this one.. maybe not the last one.. saying the same thing you just did. *grins*

      *HUGS*

      Reply
    • On lack or respect for elders. I have noticed that too. Or is it merely I am older now and see things from a different perspective?

      I know growing up, i came from a family of 7 … if my mum or da were not there to whap up … my older sister surely was (she was 12 years older than me).

      I suspect that in today’s world, with the hustle and bustle … the lessening of family time … media which shows so much bad behavior by movie stars and athletes … this all leads to a reduction in … politeness?

      Reply
      • so it is back to blaming media.. but why are the values still not taught?

      • Partially is back to blaming the media … nods. I think there is blame enough for all. Some will say blame the media … blame government … blame the schools … because they are faceless….nameless.

        But it is everyone’s responsibility I know. A lot are parents responsibility. But it is not easy. Take Kate M. …with all that is going on. One cannot help but see how those who are doing bad media act. Everyone says leave her alone … then rush to look to see the pictures? Who is to blame? Media. People? All I think.

        But when media claims that they would not do such things if people did not want it … that too is a cop out. It is a powerful medium the news .. the theater … the television. I used to believe if I did not watch … if many did not watch … it would go away. I am not so sure anymore. When studies are done for advertisers, for tele shows to see what is most addicting … the advantage has shifted from the viewer.

        Ok…mini rant from me on the media ..ack …was not your real question or blog point I know … (sheepishly apologizes.)

        Why are certain values not taught anymore? (WIthout ranting on the media again haha) … I do not thnk it is any one thing. I think different people oft times have different reasons and excuses why they let this behavior or that behavior go unchecked. And maybe we are just seeing the aggregate whole and saying … many are not reinforcing all the values …. when many its just many not reinforcing some values … but it looks like all the values?

        Lord..now I am confusing myself!

      • ok, now to really mess you up.. has it changed?

        every generation had things to complain about. has this loss of respect always existed?

        the 50’s with the leather jackets, greasy hair and attitude

        70’s and hippies.. lax, lazy.. free

        and so on?

      • I think you have a point…nod nods.

        Hmmmm …

        Ok … back (I was gone for 5 minutes! … ohhh …no one knew haha)

        Anyway, I am thinking that yes…generational conflict has gone on since the dawn of time I suppose. However, there is a difference between generational conflict, cultural identity (from 1st to 2nd generation immigrants …ack …I am living this!!!), and the like…..vs widespread disregard for politeness.

        The ones mentioned formerly … generational ones …they can be attributed to age? If core beliefs and behaviors are instilled early on, at some point (I’d like to believe) maturity kicks in … and much of the core learning returns?

        But … when you look at a lot of people today, tis not just children … or teenagers…but adults….of ALL ages … that seem to have decided that it is okay to be rude.

        Though … that does not rule out the question of has this bad behavior always been around …nod nods…maybe it was just not as visible???

  3. Oh … super interesting.

    Full disclosure .. I have a 12 year old.

    Now … unruly urchins .. nod nods. They can be annoying at times. Non-unruly, yet oblivious parents can be annoyinger.

    I loved how the article made a distinction between the children’s behavior, and the lack of boundaries set by the parents.

    When my daughter was younger, we either left her with her da’s granny and grand da … or if we took her to a restaurant (or elsewhere) we would assure it was okay. If she got fussy, one of us would take her outside (away from whatever we were there for.) Courtesy. And besides … it just felt really stressful to try to calm a crying child whilst trying to be quiet.

    I do understand that parents sometimes get desensitized to their little one’s noises … but in my head, there are times when you need to pay extra attention. Agggg…I know I am not saying anything different here.

    But one thing I heard someone once tell me … that I just hated to hear. Another mother once told me … if I can take it all day long, they (the other restaurant patrons) can stand it for an hour. That just seemed so rude.

    We choose to have children. We choose to keep them. (In general I mean ..I know not all situations are that way.) Yes, it can be hard. We know that. But … childless couples (and singles) also may be choosing for a different lifestyle. Neither group has the ownership to annoying behavior or courtesy. As a parent, teach your children proper private and public behaviors. As a person without a child, remember that sometimes kids can be as unpredictable as a wild horse.

    I have no idea where I am going with my thoughts … but wonders what others think …

    Reply

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