Self…

The follow post up to yesterdays question

 

But that doesn’t compare to what I do to myself when you’re not there

The responses were interesting. There is no right or wrong answer, but I suspected the two directions the answers would go.

Each comment was great. Obviously thought was involved.

But I loved this comment, from Inked Pen.

Self-hate compared with hate won’t rectify self-esteem. It’ll do the opposite.

I borrowed the question from another blog, we talked about it a bit there. There were two thought directions there. Self gratification and Self harm. We didn’t discuss the directions. 

The comments yesterday, most followed this format in a fashion, I was curious if they would. The sense of inner turmoil seemed to be a common thread.

You know, I would rather that everyone thought it just as self gratification. I think then, we may all be happier. omg, stop that, that is not what I meant. stop laffing too, I will wait…. starts again… but it would mean we are happier with our selves. I think I am digging a hole here that I may not be able to jump out of. Jumps up and down to distract you…

fighting demons. nods. and  expressing a desperate need for help. a plea perhaps, it is good to reach out. 

self judgment… how we beat ourselves up over the decisions we make ….bits and pieces, but the thread is common. 

self harm… whispered so quietly

someone can feel as if they are being treated badly … but it is nothing compared to how they treat themselves.

You see, to me this relates a lot to self esteem. I keep going on about this in one form or another. Maybe I should do a few food blogs this hole is deep.

Building self esteem is hard but possible. Much like creating an environment where those around you are happier. You build them up with positive reinforcement. Good job, that is great.. I have done blogs about that before. Doing this also fills you with a more positive outlook

But you need to start doing the same with yourself. The same way, oh we all make mistakes that we may feel silly, embarrassed, humiliated or ashamed of. Learn from the mistake, we are human, making errors is how we learn.

Don’t beat yourself up over it, instead tell yourself how you are going to do it better next time. And you are not giving up.

You know the expression “What is done is done.” but do you?

Something in the past is done. finished, gone. Good bad or indifferent, it is gone. It can’t be changed now. So don’t fear it, learn from it.

Like Shrek said, ogres are like onions… lots of layers. I liked that, (Shrek is really hot too). People are as well (layered, not big and green), peel off a layer, toss it aside, dismiss it. We can always change. Today we start thinking of the good things. Telling ourselves that we are special. nice job getting out of bed, you didn’t fall over or anything…  silly right? nope. you may laff and look for another positive thing to tell yourself. They get easier too. don’t be cynical when you do it. Silly self compliments that make you laff.. oh and you are going to try it tomorrow morning as you stumble into the bathroom, can start your day off with a giggle. See how many you can do before your coffee/tea.

You see, self hate is an endless loop to a downwardly spiraling self esteem. 

Now, self harm. Does that fit in with low self esteem? There are many reasons for self harm. It is complex. And lower self esteem is often a part of it. Now don’t freak out. I just said it was complex. I think perhaps for another blog though, maybe tomorrow. 

How we perceive ourselves is important to our well being. Take little steps to start. I have a nice smile. I am very loving. My eyes sparkle. I didn’t bump into the wall on the way to the bathroom…  tomorrow add something to the list. 

I am not overweight, when I jump in the water I can make a bigger splash. *grins* find something good in everything. You can do it.

We are not all good at everything, knowing you are not perfect at something, or just can’t do it well at all. so what? I am not that great at  hmmm, well I am great at everything. 🙂  ok, rocket science.. nods. but I havent tried it yet. You get to use explosives don’t you? hmmmmm. 

What I am saying is, you know you are not perfect, no one is. But take pride in what you do and yourself. 

Exercise. nods. This really does help so much, and it can be just walking slowly. around the block.

Helping others, even someone with the same challenges you have, it builds your self esteem.

The lyric was from the song God help me by Emilie Autumn

God help me, I don’t see how I can live this way
And I don’t know why he’s touching me
Won’t you shine in my direction and help me?
Won’t you lend me your protection and help me?

God help me, believe me, this wasn’t what I wanted
But no, I can’t leave, he’s got me
Won’t you shine in my direction and help me?
Won’t you lend me your protection and help me?

Am I guilty or am I just waiting around
For the tide to come in so the truth can come out?
And if I had a dollar for every time
I repented the sin and commit the same crime
I’d be sitting on top of the world today
I’d be sitting on top of the world today

God, God help me, just maybe I’ll learn to help myself
Speak to me, don’t leave me, he’s burning me
Won’t you shine in my direction and help me?
Won’t you lend me your protection and help me?

Places everyone, this is a test
Throw your stones, do your damage, your worst
And your best, all the world is a judge
But that doesn’t compare to what I do to myself when you’re not there

And if I had a dollar for every time
I repented the sin and commit the same crime
I’d be sitting on top of the world today
I’d be sitting on top of the world today

Don’t make me choose, I’ve got too much to lose
Don’t make me choose, I’ve got too much to lose
Don’t make me choose, I’ve got too much to lose
Don’t make me choose, I’ve got too much to f$%^$ing lose

For I am with you and also with You
I am with you and also with You

God help me
God help me
God help me

sorry for the edit, I can’t help it.

we can be our own worst critic. We can also be our own best friend.

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About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-)

9 responses »

  1. Loved your blog, very inspiring and gave me some things to think about *thinks, realises brain isn’t working*, will think better later and post back my thinking thoughts.

    Reply
  2. I know you often write when someone triggers something in you to write …this one is different though maybe? It feels that you were writing not because of one particular person … but that you see so many … struggling?

    Not sure…but it has that feel to me…this blog of yours.

    It is interesting …everyone will agree with you I know. And everyone, including you, will also know inside that trying to build back one’s self esteem is so hard. We all want to find our inner Shrek *smiles* … but tis hard.

    But your advice….baby steps. That is the way I think.

    Also … someone very wise recently questioned me on whether writing of the pain … and reading others similar writings help … or continues the sad thoughts. That is something that each of us needs to decide for ourselves…I thought it was helping me .. but for me, I think it just keeps it going …and I am trying to take baby steps to move away from that … and concentrate on happy stuffs.

    Baby steps. That is good nod nods.

    Reply
    • it is the hardest of fights and the slowest. but it is the one with the best reward. self worth.

      you just like Shrek because he is green, nods and giggles.

      nods, that is good Katie. *hugs tight* baby steps, as many forward as possible.

      Reply
      • *smiles* …aye … the green one also has a very bad Irish accent lol … but he is kind.

        Thank you … for the hug … and encouragement. It helps. A lot.

  3. Wonderful words of encouragement … again your ‘wiser’ years are showing..tis a good thing 🙂

    Reply
  4. “someone can feel as if they are being treated badly … but it is nothing compared to how they treat themselves”–This really resonates with me. Now I’m going to kind of turn it on its head (well maybe :))—why is it that it is okay for us (as in all of us, as in anyone lol) to talk to others about how badly someone treats us and they are sympathetic (most of the time) to our plight, but if we dare say anything about how badly we treat ourselves, just in passing or on purpose, the response is almost always, “Well just stop. Why do you do that? You’re just looking for sympathy.” or something similar? Anyways great post. 🙂

    Reply
    • Just stop… cheer up.. buck up.. such annoying “helpful” things for someone to say. I mean.. if it was that easy, wouldn’t it have already been done?

      It is much better to perhaps take the time, to see why the need is there, and see if you can help. Helping is not so hard. Judging is though. tis hard on the judged.

      I think it is good to talk, to not hide those scars. So people take the time to ask. Maybe to even offer something other than… just stop.

      🙂

      Reply

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