DIVORCE & depression

D&d

Seems they often accompany each other.

Divorce. Not that uncommon now. In fact close to half of all marriages end this way. That doesn’t make you feel any happier though.

So, depression and divorce, uncommon? no.

Expected.

Easily dealt with?

hmmmm, not always. Expected, yes, easy to deal with? Depression grows and festers. It takes root. The longer it resides, the harder it is to remove.

 So, easily dealt with.  No

Ok, so the union ends, happily, your choice, mutual or bitter… it doesn’t matter. It ends. It isn’t just the union that ends though.

However you feel, a friend is lost. A very close friend, one who you confided in like no other, shared everything (well not always) and more. Oh don’t shake your head, you were in love at some point.

You had friends together, mutual friends, couples usually, though not always. Now things are over, where are those friends? Did they like you because you were a couple? or they don’t know how to deal with you as a single… not wanting to play sides, so just avoiding the issue.. and you. Those friendships fade.

Financial security. A bump in the road exists now. Things were shared before, now you are on your own. 

When a pair, you did things. Now you are at home, alone or with children… but alone.

Depression is like pacing on sand, each step the sand vanishes, the trench becomes deeper, the walls higher. It becomes harder to climb out.

So all these things make it worse, the decisions you have to make daily alone, with no guidance. No friends, financial concerns. 

But you know all of this. 

Yet you feel depression, want to shake it, maybe are unsure why you are depressed. It is easy to look at someone else and diagnose them, you are neutral and on the outside. With yourself.. no you shake your head, you are stronger than that. It can’t happen to you.

Oh, yes I am talking to you today. 🙂 

who? hmmm, actually a few of you. See you are not alone with your feelings. no that doesn’t make you smile and feel better. But yes I am talking to you.

So what does make it better?

oh easy, go take a cruise, meet someone and start over…..  sure….

See the rut is there. You have to work now, or want to, so time is taken there, then you arrive home and perhaps a family is waiting to be cared for, then you open the mail and see that you can’t afford what you already bought… so there is no cruise… I know. 

However. See a however, that is hopeful. There are things you can do. See we are social creatures, we don’t do well alone. That is fuel for depression. 

When depressed though, you don’t want to do anything. See how it infects you? A circle forms, you can’t get out of the circle.

There are great things to do that don’t cost anything, or much.

Volunteering is a grand thing. You meet people and feel good when you help others. Libraries, youth groups.. so many things. oh.. you don’t have time.. really? no I am serious now.. do you really think you don’t have time? If you told your children you were going out tonight for three hours… would the world crumble? 

Something where you can exercise and meet people at the same time. Friendships often form and the best way to kick depression out is to exercise. The body produces the chemicals the brain needs, thrives on when exercising. Some people with disorders can stop medications and replace them with exercise, it is that powerful.

So, I tell people this often. Many malls have walking groups. They meet and walk the mall, no not to shop, they exercise, walking laps around the mall. It is great, climate controlled, level footing, and you talk. talking is good. It doesn’t cost anything, there are cycling groups too. Maybe free swims at rec centers. Look around. 

Eating. Oh this is big. You may be alone now. It is not worth cooking well for just one. It is hard. boring…

Food though, it is so important. Everyone says to eat right. Food can fight depression. There are ways to eat well with little time too. Preparing  meals for the week on a Sunday, it does’t take much time and then the week is so easy.

Goals. Set some, get out your calendar. Mark down, this Sunday I am going for a walk, drive, to the show.. write it down and do it. Start easy with goals you can do. Let some excitement build, do one that you like, don’t write down this Sunday I am taking the garbage out… 

Now you won’t like this one. But seek some help. Some counselling. Yes I know, you can manage this on your own. You will preside. Good will prevail…. 

so how long will it take?

seriously?

See time.. once gone, is gone. 

You can’t get a do over, or a re do.. it can’t be bought or borrowed. Time is like that.

If making you feel better, yes better, can be accelerated with some counseling… are you not worth it?

How can they help… oh but they can. So don’t wait to ask for some help. Don’t feel you don’t need it. Even if you can shake it on your own sooner or later.. why wait? sooner is better. Time… is slipping away.

oh, *hugs you* 🙂

listen please. get out of the rut before the sun can’t get in.

 

More posts on Depression can be found here

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About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-) Now a mother of two little ones.

3 responses »

  1. very intelligent post…i appreciate you for sharing this information with us..

    Reply
  2. Reads this blog post ..
    Re-reads it. …

    Everything you say is true.

    Reply
  3. I was married for 19 years..communication had come to pretty much a stand still, I felt I couldn’t be me. I asked G to leave even tough my girls were 11 and 15. It was an emotional roller coaster in the beginning naturally and a few cross words were spoken, but I ran a small business so luckily there were no money issues to contend with.
    We decided for the sake of our girls to be as respectable and harmonious as we could and it made it easier.
    I did have friends that dropped off the planet as they knew us as 2 and now I was 1…so they weren’t true friends and are not missed.
    I had a single G/F or 2 that I could visit, go out with and without them it would have been a very lonely road to travel, but I got there and after some trivial relationships, met Mr S on an Internet date site.
    You do get over the cooking for 1, I was very slack in that department and did not bother and I did feel what was the point… the only reason I kept cooking meals at all was for my girls.
    My ex has remarried and we socialise now and then (for the girls events) and I love his new wife.
    We were simply not to be…and that happens. Excellent post Amber xx

    Reply

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