Nature is calm… am I?

A day like any other, today was just that
the gentle breeze stirring softly among the slumbering willows
all is calm, relaxed too, natures work of art..
The glinting sun high in the sky, clouds so soft like pillows

************

Nature is wondrous, the world so relaxed
birds are in song, ponds are still, nature is at its best
a moving painting, a piece of art, a masterpiece of tranquillity
but my heart pounds so, I feel it may leave my chest

The birds soar by, their songs so  gentle among the trees
wind flicking at the leaves softly, such a glorious sky
trembles caress me with a heightened fury
There is no reason but I know I am about to die

I have to run, to escape somehow
but from what I know not, hide I should, I do so fear my death
something is going to happen, the dread is strong, I feel it so
if only I could breathe.. just a bit, even to catch my breath

I am on a roller coaster, I must be
my sanity is slipping… what is happening to me
My heart is pounding It may explode
yet nothing is wrong so why the need to flee?

What if, what if, the thoughts racing through my mind
of logic there is none but the feelings are so strong
if only I could catch my breath or take a step
then perhaps maybe,  I might feel that I do belong

The tears flow again, they seem to have no end
I am not sad or unhappy, they just won’t stop
How could this be on a day such as this with nature so at peace?
terrible things are going to happen, I feel it so, something is going to drop.

What if this won’t end
the trembles shakes and endless tears
my racing heart, lack of breath, the pains in my chest…
the terrible feeling of dread I have, tugging  at my fears

What if I die, what if i am sick, what if I faint?
is my heart breaking? It is pounding so, I have to go
omg, help, someone help, please help me
nooo… not you, leave me alone, I just don’t know

withdrawn am I, helpless too
scared, trembling and so forlorn
don’t look at me so, please go away
why does this my life adorn?

Amber

***********

Panic attacks, something that perhaps one in 50 may suffer through as many don’t seek help. They often don’t last long, though the effect will linger for quite a time. I am going to take a poke at them, making this the first of I suspect three posts. They are treatable, most often. They are terrible to experience, the fear of them grows with each one had. 

They are hard to describe, the feelings you have. If you don’t have them, perhaps you know someone that does, on occasion experience them. Maybe after my third post you will be able to help them a bit more, or have some understanding and compassion to what they go through. I hope so.  

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About sensuousamberville

I am a Practitioner, teacher and student. I think we should always be students, we should keep our minds open, to continue to learn. :-) Now a mother of two little ones.

7 responses »

  1. You portrayed them very well Amb. My eldest gets them (now on medication to help) She would find sitting in front of a small fan heater brought her comfort. I would cry watching her in her 20’s legs crossed, arms folded around her tummy, swaying, crying in front of the strong heat..till it passed.. Thank you for this

    Reply
  2. At first I could not understand why you were writing the poem. It confused me and made me anxious for you.

    But then you started to speak of the panic attacks … and I recall how you were saying that you would write of them.

    I don’t understand it myself, never having experienced them. But … I can recall how I feel in times of despair … and whilst panic attacks may be different … I suspect they are no less real and no less dibilitating.

    Write … and I shall read and learn.

    Reply
  3. Pingback: What is a Panic Attack? « sensuousamberville

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