Where do you want to be in five years….
If you could change something about yourself, what would it be…
If you could do anything, what would you do first…
A shorter rambly sort of post, I have a migraine and I am hoping it makes sense. The post not the migraine.. that just doesn’t make any sense at all.
Trick questions? hmmmm, well yes, in a fashion. In therapy, you can either work to solve issues, or just put out fires. Sometimes putting out fires is the approach needed, until they are out. Whilst doing this though, when comfortable with your setting, your therapist, you may be hit with these and other questions.
Why? I mean, they are quite annoying.
The answers, though, provide a clear image of what is tormenting you the most. Now how that goal will be achieved is a different matter. Often, something else may be lurking unbeknownst to you, that prevents you from achieving your goal. The therapy may be designed to help unleash that demon, help you deal with it, so you can move on.
With out goals being set, you may just keep putting out tiny fires, yes this helps you, but it is an endless circle.
You may decide that you would like to be comfortable in public, to go to parties with no fears. Even work full time. A worthy goal. Tis a big step though, this goal needs to have tiny goals set, just like climbing a ladder. Taking steps. This shows the therapist what you want, however. Both of you can now work toward that.
Now, what I hear often, is goal setting doesn’t work. This is true, if you set a goal that is difficult and you fail, you will not try again.
Failing though, is a part of learning. Failing is not something to fear or be ashamed of, it is a learning process. But set the tiny steps, so that when you fail at one, and this is ok, you will, you also learn from this and try again in a different fashion. You learn something in the process. Failing is learning, it is not a bad thing.
As a child you have a round peg and a box with a round hole and a square hole… when you stick the peg in the square hole it fails to go in, you learn from this and then know it is the round hole it fits in. Simple, yes it is. As a child though, when we fail at putting it in the square hole, it does not bother us. We feel no shame, we just smack it into the round hole and smile.
Think on that.
It is important to set goals that can be achieved. The big goal above, is grand, but we have to break it down into smaller goals. Learning techniques to help us contend with anxiety, panic attacks. We may have to look at why we do not sleep, how this effects our health.
This gives the therapist a target, an insight. To quite frankly, look deeper in to you, to see the whats and whys that make these goals harder for you. Then they can slowly work through them with you.
To empower you so you can achieve your goals. Sounds simple right? It is in a sense.
Here is the snag, when you change therapists, often if this was started, it may be muddled.
If you sit quietly, and mumble you have no goals, (and I am not belittling you, it is hard to do) then the therapist has to resort to other methods to find your torments. See you can say it is anxiety, or insomnia and expect that to be simple. But there can be reasons for that anxiety, something possibly completely unknown to you as well. There may be something that happened in the past, your mind is covering, or you do not wish to voice, that prevents sleep.
This is not to say goal setting is a mandatory thing. It is nice to know the direction your therapy is taking though and this is one method where both you and your therapist can form a path and judge success.
Your goal may be more involved, your enter the therapists office that first time with the hope that you can drive the voices out of your head, perhaps stop purging and binging, eliminate the need to wear long sleeves. (stops to offer hugs). These are big goals, and they can be achieved, but you will have to take small steps to do so. Both you and the therapist will need to see why you are tormented with these things, give you tools, techniques to help you cope. You will often have homework too. How you apply yourself to your healing determines the success as well. Often you may feel they are silly little projects and offer you nothing in return… but they do, you just may not feel it all at once. It is a gradual process of tiny steps, tiny successes.