I have debated this post a bit, maybe I won’t publish it.
blogging is powerful I found. I have indicated this often. That I find it to be so similar to support groups, or even group therapy. People reach out to each other, support, laff and love. They help each other in tiny ways sometimes, with a supportive comment, or a very long informative letter, comment or post.
It is a special thing.
Very strong friendships grow.
This has happened for me, as with many of my readers, one touched us in a powerful way.
How does someone do that with mere words? Capture us so? Words are just groupings of letters formed in, sometimes, coherent patterns.
Words seem to do that though, for some. Some seem to be able to make their words more magical?
hmmm, perhaps, though She was adapt at stringing words in beautiful pictures, it was not the words that captured us.
Capture us she did though, with prose, stories and lists. I will not mention the chocolate moaning or the spreadsheets…. well I just did. I am not sure which she loved more, math or chocolate, she would “gurgle” at the mention of either. I think she could work spreadsheets like a fine pianist makes the keys sing.
She would share the chocolate though, even if it was her last piece. She was like that.
The spontaneous “blog parties” where we would together tease a fellow blogger, or make goofy comments until more would join in, before you knew it everyone was giggling and being goofy.
She would sense when you were quiet, sneak up and say something goofy to you, or send a caring email to poke you to be sure you were ok. She would even have you go poke one of her many many other friends, if she felt that maybe you could help them grin a bit. I know because I was asked to poke a few of you. I am glad I did too.
She would ask for our help, with things like deciding on where to go… with a fantastic trip… with a fantastic Daughter. To home, Ireland, to visit and be loved, or to a mystical tropical Island.. well not so mystical, but I felt for a teen aged daughter… it surely would be.. so I voted Hawaii. (I hope I picked right Rach).
She was so excited for the trip, this Irish Mom. What a grand adventure. A million memories stored I am sure. From plans of luau’s on the beach, or night snorkeling, the excitement was building so.
Her love of spreadsheets may have been exceeded with her love to ride though, a bike that is. She would ride for such long trips too, not just a 20k zoom down the road she would make it 100k. She impressed me so much!
I would tease her though, about so many things. Of course she did the same, she had a very quick wit you could see the sparkle in her eyes through her words when she teased.
I would love how she would pick two movies, and ask which she should see… and then pick the wrong one. lol.
She saw the life of pi, she said it sounded more mathematical…. with the pi and all. I still haven’t seen it. I will soon. She was a dork. she would tell me that all the time. I like dorks, geeks, math geek.. she was all of that and more.
Obviously a Mom, one that loved so much. Like all moms and teenage daughters, there are some days where they do not see eye to eye. I would tell her Rach, you were an adult stuck in a growing childs body, you of course knew everything.. as all teen aged girls do, (pssst I know I did) that it was important to start treating you, not as the child you only recently were.. but now as more an equal with knowledge, an adult. To be given more adult responsibility and freedom even This is a hard thing for a Mom to suddenly start to do though, she wants to protect. But I planted the seed and Mom started to realize it was true. To get you working more together on some common interest things, I suggested the cooking/shopping experience. Mom loved that and I know now that you did too. So I smiled again.
We would tempt each other to try different foods, I tried quinoa because she loved it so much. I had not heard of it before. She tried recipes I posted on my blog, and many many that I just emailed to her. I still havent tried tofu, I can her her going *gasp*, I will do that too though, before I hear in my head… *ack* again.
I giggle when I remember when she tried to make my bread recipe, she asked about the giant tunnel in the middle of her bread, and where the bread was …as she only seemed to have crust surrounding a hole… she wrote a blog about it, with a picture. Learned where things went wrong so she could try again another time.
Even fix a dishwasher that was giving her troubles. That dishwasher didn’t know what hit it, but she fixed it.
Some music caught her, she would share that with us. One pair of cellists caught her ear, and eyes. lol. We would tease each other about them, this pair of cellists. They are amazing to listen to, and watch.. hmm in a few ways. 😉
She posted this video among many others, of them playing. I really liked this one.
We would talk about everything, so when she sent an email expressing some health concerns before testing was about to be done the next day, my heart paused. I knew but did not want to put it in words.
This is how strong a friendship can form in blog land. We became sisters. Yet we had never met.
She shared the news as it came to her slowly over the next few days, we both cried. I fought with her, as much as I could. supporting, suggesting, wringing my hands but not telling her. We cried together more and laughed too. We still teased each other. She was a fighter. I stayed positive, she had enough negative, I told her I was her rock. To lean on me. She often did. I gave her heck when she was not eating enough. She told me I was a good nagger, but she would listen too. She would email me after a difficult chemo session, just to let me know she was ok, as hard as that was to do, but she knew I would be worried, so she did it.
I miss my friend. I still cry too Rach. it is ok to do so. both of us though, we need to smile more too when we remember Mom. She would want that. tis easy to say though, isn’t it? to smile.. but how to do that? People say it takes time, we talked about that, you and I. It is true a bit, some sadness fades. memories though are forever. We have to be strong, for them, for Mom, it is good to miss her, to talk of her and share memories of her with each other, and her other friends too. We have to remember though, what she wants most of all, is for us to take a deep breath and to keep going. even to be happy. She wants that a lot. We look around and see the people she touched, the friends she had here. It makes us smile. You are meeting some of these friends now too, sharing with them the ways your Mom touched them. I know this is a confusing emotion, as it makes you want more, it makes you miss more, but it fills a bit of you too. With memories. We will miss her together, for there is strength in togetherness.
Blogging is powerful. You can meet some powerful people, people that can touch you so deeply, with their words… and their love.
I have visited other blogs, read poems and letters, legacy’s to a friend lost. I know she would smile with them but be sad as well. She loved life and us too. She I know will miss us as much as we are missing her. Life can be cruel, this is so. I am going to smile though because I met her and grew to love her and it was shared. Perhaps too fleeting a time, but a time I will treasure forever.