We decided to go out for some fun last night, we were going clubbing but thought we would see a movie first. The Oscars will be handed out this weekend, so it is nice to have seen some of the movies that are nominated. We have seen some of them but of the “bigger ones” we haven’t. So we noticed The Birdman was still playing.
I am always leery of seeing movies that are nominated for best picture. For the past few years… decade… movies that are nominated, seem to be movies that “they” have decided convey a message.. or something. I do wonder if the critics actually go to see the movies.
Birdman has incredible reviews by the critics. So we picked that one.
We bought our tickets, popcorn, drinks…. some forty to fifty dollars later for two…. we sat down to watch.
Did you know, that most/some theaters, if you do not like the movie, and leave within thirty minutes, will give you a refund?
After twenty minutes of painful dull meaningless dialogue we decided to go watch snow melt.
So the four of us stood and quietly started down the aisle. Meg whispered we were in time for the refund. Someone in a seat whispered to us… you can get a refund?
HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE THEATER GOT UP AND LEFT!
I did notice that a lot of the other half were busy… uhm…. coughs.
I checked the reviews again, the critics have given the movie mostly ten stars. Then I read the users reviews…… not quite the same case. Mostly all of them have given the movie one star, I don’t think you can give it zero?
some users comments…
“I left feeling that I had wasted two hours of my life”
“‘Birdman’ is the latest overpraised and over-hyped ‘art’ film by the acclaimed director Alejandro González Iñárritu.”
“A bunch of very good actors, all wasted in an indulgent pretentious script, and even more indulgent and pretentious directing. the pseudo arts use of a drum soundtrack, the long boring hand held tracking shot, oh look i am doing all this in one take. the absolutely stupid plot, that takes ages to go nowhere, a film where the film maker is saying very loudly and in a very boring way, look how clever i am, why this has been praised by critics is beyond me.”
“Make it stop!”
“So much is wrong with this film that it would take pages to express the disatisfaction. The dialogue is borderline unbearable, making us wish the fictitious “Birdman” strike them dead.”
“I created this account for the sole purpose of reviewing this piece of crap”
“Yes, I know – it’s “arty-farty” and if you don’t appreciate the ridiculously long takes then you are a Philistine.
I’m proud to be a Philistine.”
“I kept waiting for something to happen. It didn’t.”
“I kept wondering: “how did they get the camera that was on the roof looking up at the building at night, to then see it in daytime and then slowly go down to the street and backwards through a metal grill and through a window and then…
Sorry, where was I? Oh, yes, what was the plot again? Forget the plot. just look at all the long takes and the arty-farty “actoring” going on.
Sometimes I just wish I could sue these people for wasting 2 hours of my life.”
Oh, there were some good reviews also, few, and honestly I question that they actually watched the movie, perhaps they were among the small percentage that we left behind… as they were occupied. uhm…. coughs.
psssst, go into the lobby of the theater. Look at the very large popcorn popper, watch it pop corn for two hours, you will have much more fun.
So, as per my title? This is not a movie review, more a critics review. I go to the theater to be entertained, for a couple hours of diversion, something that will make me cry, smile laugh or nod. If I want to see something artsy or with a message…. I will go to a museum. I highly question that movies like this are nominated for Oscars. Movies that crash into constant gardeners… or garden crashes.. or some such thing. Yawn fests. I don’t like paying forty dollars for a nap. When you the critic review this as a good movie or nominate this for awards, I highly question all of your reviews and talent. Maybe you should park cars instead?
Yes! I am reviewing YOU. Pretentious, Fraudulent, Offensive….
OH I am sorry if that offends you, but your review offends me. We are even, don’t let it happen again, k?
oh, I didn’t like the movie. In case you didn’t pick up on that.