Maladaptive personality shaping from the parent.

Narcissism, this is a difficult disorder. The person is very self absorbed. Self obsessed. Selfish. A strong sense of superiority. Uniqueness, requiring praise, entitlement. Will feel no regret taking advantage of others for their own gain. Arrogant. When criticized will rebel. Empathy is not one of their tools, lying perhaps will be. Self esteem is actually quite low. Someone with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is very unlikely to seek help as they do not feel there is anything amiss with them.

Why bring this up?

What about the child of a Narcissistic Parent? Or Parents as they often attract one another.

Battles – or is it just fun…

A battle, tactical, emotional, sacrificial. Titans facing each other, contemplating…   Strategic miseries messing with your best efforts…. 

Minds facing each other, seriously delving into each others deepest thoughts, foreseeing and exploring…  a face off… only one can prevail.. or can it?

It is good to have friends

This is cute, a video to cheer up your day. 

Because it is nice when you have a cheerful day.

trick or treat

So.. Halloween approachith … time for little munchkins out robbing your house of goodies.. and parties too. Costume parties. woo hoo.

So what to wear, we discussed it last night. It was a great debate. Should we just repeat last years or something new. I mean we can’t be seen just going with a do-over.. shiesh.

So what did we come up with.

 

What to do when you have a cold

nasopharyngitis

rhinopharyngitis

eeeeps, scary names

The common cold.. not sure what is common about it.

Colds, we seem to get them now and again.

you can buckle under and they often go away in a week.

or buy lots of over the counter pills, lotions, funny tasting liquids.. and they will go away in 7 days.

So how to get rid of it? Is there a cure?  What can you do?

well it seems I have the answer, and it must work…  

so what is this great tip?

how can you feel better?

pssst, I know.. it is to….

There is only one chance for a first impression

You see someone, your heart beats a bit faster.. how to get things going.

Eye contact? The glance from across the room.. eyes locked.. then you know.

Well that works sometimes, other times a glare emits.. “leave me alone perv” seems to be transmitted… “stop staring at me”. eeeps.. stop

So you have to meet them, the first contact…. it is like meeting with an alien species. Do you go with a proverbial pick up line? Or just trip and mumble with a blush…

Do you have pick up line that works? Are there any…. a good one may crack a smile, break the ice. A bad one will end it right away, the eyes will roll and you will be dismissed.

Pick up lines may just not work at all, even something cute like:

Can you give me directions to your heart? I’ve seemed to have lost myself in your eyes

But it is better than old jokes like:

“You look a lot like my third wife …of course, I’ve only been married twice!”

Some that will evoke a smile are good, you can’t help smiling sometimes, perhaps something like this:

“I’m having a really bad day and it always makes me fell betterwhen I see a pretty girl smile so would you smile for me?”

The smile forms, so now you need to follow up.. a dumb look is not going to last long. But not another line please.

Some lines and my reactions to them.

*************

“I don’t mean to bother you, but I had to come over and introduce my self; otherwise I’ll be kicking myself for days.”

thumbs up

*************

(lick your finger and then touch her shirt)
Here let help you ouy of those wet clothes

lol.. I hope you run fast

*************

“I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are.”

if it is a nice flower…

*************

Do you have any Irish in you?
(no)
Do you want some???

reminds you I teach martial arts….

*************

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

just sighs.. hopes you have more imagination

*************

Did you invite all these people? I thought it was just going to be the two of us.

or

Do you think we might have a mutual friend who would introduce us?

well at least I would answer… maybe

*************

But you know the best pick up line?

get your pen and paper out, so you remember it.

ready? I will go slow.

Hello.

*waits for you to write it down*

If there is a connection or an interest.. a cheesy line could ruin it. So start simple, don’t mess up that first impression.

Simple is always better, for almost everything. 

*taps your forehead* except in here…. *giggles*

do you have a pick up line that rocked your world? 

Relationship building

From yesterdays post, I think you can see we, the four of us, get along quite well, we are a team, a family. Why does it work so well? How do you make a relationship succeed? 

With family’s, friends, couples or the work place, it is all the same. It isn’t just respect, give and take, but that is a lot of it. Not just the way you treat others, but a grouping of a lot of things.

Here is an example.

Two managers, same situation. Instructions are given to an employee on a task to be preformed. The employee messes up and the task is.. well not quite right.

Manager A tears a strip off the employee, writes them up, tells them to get it done right, possibly in front of other workers.

Manager B looks at the mess, explains in detail  (nicely) how it should have been done, possibly even apologizing for not explaining it correctly the first time (because in all likely hood they didn’t). Maybe helping to correct it and work alongside them.

Or your spouse, friend, roommate spills a tub of sugar on the floor you just cleaned.. jumping up and down pulling out your hair and using some words that would make a sailor blush…. nope, that isn’t going to help, even if you wanted to do that… but jumping in and helping clean it, maybe even giggling while doing so.. then you both feel better.

Oh I know, it is simple and everyone knows this. But when you practice this sort of thing all the time, you get use to it. You have a brighter outlook on things and the people around you do as well. When you ask someone to do something for you, they jump to do it, because of the relationship you established and that aura that surrounds you. That positive glow. And those around you will start doing the same thing.

It isn’t motivating people, you can’t motivate someone. They have to do that on their own, you can create the atmosphere where that is more possible though for them, to motivate themselves, strive to do better.  to get that pat on the back.

A pat on the back for almost getting something right goes much farther than a kick in the behind for not being perfect.

When you explain something to someone, something important… ask them to explain it to you and tell them it is because you want to be sure that you explained it properly, not because you feel they are dense.

When someone does ten things, and only one is right. Good job on that one. Focus on the positive. They will realize that the others are not perfect and strive to get pats on the back for all ten next time. That purple line is very straight, it is beautiful… wow, imagine what the picture would look like if all the lines were straighter, but that looks so great. Good job.

It is hard to do, your primary instinct is to smack them for the 9 that were not great. But when you start doing it all the time… it becomes a part of you, and those around you too.

And never criticize in front of others, that should always be done in private. Humiliation is not character building.

Just like in a relationship, you can’t always eat out, even though your partner may like it a lot. And maybe taking a little interest in bowling, even though you may find it silly… will go a long way. who knows, you may discover you like it after all. 

TV night, you hate that show.. so you go in another room and read a book… but if you watch the show together, and discuss it a bit.. who knows, but you are doing something together, maybe they will watch your show and talk about it too.. but only on the commercials.. omg.

Food.. or dinner, you love liver.. they hate it. but like hot dogs.. and you don’t.. so it is easy, when you cook liver, cook them hot dogs, make it a normal thing.. it is hot dog liver night, you are both happy. It becomes a thing.

Start small, take the first step, be positive, share. It grows if you can stay with it. It is certainly more fun than blowing up, criticizing or complaining. And you feel better too.

 

  

You get what you give

Today I just felt like writing a poem, tossing together some words that may rhyme

It doesn’t always work though, searching for that special word takes so much time

Oh I could just pick ones at random that seem to fit

of course everyone would then go.. omg what a git.

A good poem may not rhyme at all, in any sort of  way

and still would be pretty in your mind, I could say.

But a great poem needs a theme, concept message or lesson

and that makes it much harder, because not all words rhyme.

Points above with a giggle, keeps writing thinking I may get away with that one

hoping you are still reading and maybe that I have a message for you, but fear not I am not done.

There are a lot of words that rhyme, and I have used yet only but a few

so now to search for my message, thought or lesson to impress you with too.

Rattles my brain and tilts my head, scrunches my eyes searching for that thought

what can I teach you, what lesson will you learn, can I pass on something I was taught?

Wow, that is a challenge, to make something interesting enough for you to stay with me, I’ll give it a try

and keep it rhyming as I go, each word making sense, with meaning and pretty in your minds eye.

It isn’t that hard though you see, you just have to work a bit harder and try a bit more

because just like life, you get back what you put in to it, to gain the rewards you will adore.

The hug or smile from that nice old lady, the wink or kiss from someone intimate

cuddles and huggles, love and adoration, it doesn’t just happen, it is a two way street.

Laughing because I snuck by another, but what is love? Something everyone does ask

is it that fondness, comfort or the relaxing feeling you have, nothing hidden behind a mask.

How do you know if it is really love that will last, do you take it for granted knowing it is there

or do you work hard to keep the spark alive, the glow that kindles, the tingles, that make you a pair?

So many don’t you see, they assume and forget, the magic subsides, the spark looses its sizzle

communication fades, doubt starts to flicker growing and weakening that bond, making it fizzle.

So when you have that special someone, the one that is just right… your yin for your yang

your mate of your soul, trust is so important, for without it things will sputter, make your heart pang.

Communication so wondrous but often neglected, keep it alive, have no secrets between you two

it is how we learn, grow and bond even more, but as days, months and years pass it often becomes like goo

We assume or expect and then things go asunder. 

and ever after we do wonder.

Was that my one,  why did it fail, it seemed so right where did it flounder

so don’t let those things mix with your match. Trust and talk,  even listen too.

Grins another one but I am so happy, because you are still reading, I am beaming

and I think my goal was accomplished, some words even rhymed and had a meaning.

For everything in life you get what you sow, crops, love, work or learning, I hope I am not being too untoward 

but in life you can coast if you wish, but your ride will soon end, so give it your all and claim your reward.

You get what you give

so give it all… and live.

Amber